How to talk about money without stress, shame or arguments
Money is a tool to build the life you want. But if you cannot talk about money safely, every step gets harder. This week is about opening the conversation, understanding your people, and building a monthly rhythm that keeps money out of crisis mode.
Build the conversation
Understand first. Diagnose the real misalignment. Co-create instead of control.
Build the rhythm
Use a simple monthly finance meeting to review the numbers and choose one tiny action.
No shame, just data. Your numbers are not judging you. The spreadsheet is not disappointed in you. Future you is cheering every tiny step.
Talk safely. Understand first. Then use the numbers to steer.
This week is not about becoming a spreadsheet goblin or forcing everyone you love into a money meeting. It is about making money safer to talk about, then creating a simple rhythm so your finances support the life you actually want.
Money conversations often go wrong when we start at behaviour.
“We need to track spending” can land as “I am going to monitor you.” Start with the human, not the spreadsheet.
No one cares about the spreadsheet until they know what life it is building.
The numbers matter. But the numbers are there to serve the life, not replace the life.
Your first job is not to convince them.
Your first job is to understand them. Ask one gentle question. Listen. Do not fix. Do not pounce with a calculator.
Most money arguments are not really about money.
The argument shows up in behaviour, but the cause may be goals, values, identity, beliefs, skills, autonomy, timing or environment.
External alignment is not control.
You are not trying to win, correct, drag or convert someone. You are trying to understand, co-create and choose a way forward.
People support what they help co-create.
Do not arrive with the finished answer. Arrive with curiosity, space and a blank page.
A fake yes becomes tomorrow’s argument.
Make space for a real yes, a real no, or a useful “yes, if...” Conditions are not failure. Conditions are the design brief.
A monthly finance meeting turns money into a rhythm.
Not a crisis. Not an interrogation. Not a spreadsheet punishment. A simple monthly check-in that keeps the conversation alive.
Use the five-part meeting.
Why, Proud, Gather, Ask, Act. What am I building? What am I proud of? What are the numbers? What are they telling me? What am I going to do?
One tiny action is enough.
Ask one question. Book one meeting. Gather one number. Choose one next step. Tiny steps count. Future you is cheering.
If money conversations make your stomach twitch, welcome.
You are not weird. Money is one of the most emotionally loaded subjects in most homes. This week is for you if talking about money has ever felt awkward, scary, tense, pointless, explosive or easier to avoid completely.
“I can’t talk about money” is not the final answer. Add the word “yet”.
I avoid money conversations because they usually get tense.
I have tried to get someone “on board” and it did not go brilliantly.
My partner, family, friends or people around me do not seem interested in money.
I am the spreadsheet person and I may occasionally become the spreadsheet police.
I want to talk about money, but I do not know how to start without making things weird.
I am doing this solo and need a money rhythm with future me, a friend or a money buddy.
The tiny shift: “I can’t talk about money” is not the final answer. Add the word “yet”.
Two tiny actions. One conversation. One rhythm.
Please do not turn this into a giant life admin mountain. Week 5 Freedom Work is simple: ask one gentle question, then book one small monthly finance meeting. That is enough to begin.
Open the conversation
The goal is not to fix, convince or solve everything. The goal is to understand one human a little better.
Choose one person.
Ask one gentle question.
Do not start with numbers.
Listen. Do not fix.
Write down what you learned.
Book the rhythm
The monthly finance meeting turns money from a crisis conversation into a regular check-in. Tiny is allowed.
Choose how you will do it: solo, partner, family or money buddy.
Pick the first date, time and place.
Start small. Fifteen to thirty minutes is enough.
Bring one number, one question and one tiny action.
Before you finish, put the next meeting in the diary.
Tiny reminder: one gentle question counts. One booked meeting counts. One tiny action counts. You are building the habit, not performing finance theatre for an imaginary panel of spreadsheet judges.
Do not start with the spreadsheet.
When we get excited about sorting money, the temptation is to run in waving a tracker and shout, “We need to do this!” But if the other person does not know what life the spreadsheet is building, the spreadsheet can feel like judgement, monitoring or control.
No one cares about the spreadsheet until they know what life it is building.
“We need to track our spending.”
They may hear: “I am going to monitor you.”
“We need to stop spending.”
They may hear: “You are not allowed to have any fun.”
“We have to...”
They may hear: “I am going to control you.”
“The Donegans say we should...”
They may hear: “Their opinion matters more than mine.” Please do not put that evil on us.
Better question: not “How do I get them to do it?” Ask, “How do I understand them?”
Ask one gentle question. Then actually listen.
Money conversations get safer when we stop trying to win and start trying to understand. You are not interviewing a suspect. You are learning someone else’s money world, one question at a time.
Ask one gentle question at a time. This is not an interrogation.
What did your family teach you about money?
This can reveal beliefs, identity and old money stories without making the conversation feel like an attack.
How was money handled at home?
Was it discussed, avoided, joked about or argued over? The answer often explains why today feels loaded.
What would you do if you never had to work again?
This moves the conversation towards vision, freedom and the life money could help build.
What is most important to you in life?
This helps uncover values. Different values can make the same decision feel wise to one person and terrifying to another.
Do not barrage people. Pick one question. Ask it gently. Listen. Pause. The spreadsheet can wait its turn.
📔 Course Notes – Week 5: Communication 💬💸
This week is a double whammy of financial awesomeness! First, we dive into the wild world of talking about money without starting World War III. Then, we show you how to stay on track once you’ve started your journey—because spreadsheets are great, but supportive humans are better. 💥💑👯♂️
👉 We kick off with how to communicate about money with your partner, family, or finance buddy (yes, even the reluctant ones!). Then we move into the secret sauce of long-term success: having people around you who cheer you on, hold you accountable, and maybe even bring snacks to your finance meetings. 🍿💪
🧠 Internal vs. External Alignment: The Two-Part Puzzle
Back in Week 3, we dove into internal alignment—making sure your goals match your identity, beliefs, and values. That’s step one. But here’s the kicker: you don’t live in a vacuum.
Step two is external alignment—getting on the same page with the people around you.
You can have the best plan in the world, but if your partner, family, or flatmate isn’t on board… it’s like trying to row a boat while they’re paddling in the opposite direction. 🚣♂️↔️🚣♀️
We know this because we’ve lived it. Alan was buzzing about financial independence, spreadsheets, and early retirement. Meanwhile, Katie was quietly thinking, “I don’t deserve this.” 😬
That unspoken belief created friction, confusion, and a lot of “Why aren’t you excited about this?!” moments.
The truth? You can’t align your behaviours if your beliefs are clashing. And you can’t move forward together if you’re not even facing the same direction.
So let’s uncover the hidden stuff. Let’s talk about it. Let’s align.
💥 It’s Not the Money. It’s the Meaning.
Let’s get real for a second.
Money ripped my (Alan) family apart. It’s caused pain, stress, and heartbreak in my family’s life. But here’s what I’ve come to realise after years of working through it:
💡 It’s not money’s fault. It’s how people think about it, talk about it (or don’t), and treat each other around it.
Money is just a tool. It’s neutral. It doesn’t care who you are or what you do. But when people don’t know how to communicate, when they’re misaligned, when they’re carrying around unspoken beliefs and unresolved baggage—that’s when things blow up.
So please, don’t blame money for your arguments, your stress, or your silence.
Blame the lack of communication skills. Blame the unspoken expectations. Blame the fact that no one taught us how to talk about this stuff.
“It’s never the thing. It’s how we think about the thing.”
Money isn’t the villain. Miscommunication is. Misalignment is. Avoidance is.
But the good news? You can change all of that. Starting now.
⚠️The Problem
💬 1. How to Talk to the People Around You About Money (Without Causing a Family Meltdown)
Last night we covered 10 powerful principles for communicating about money—and they’re not just for couples. These tools work with friends, family, flatmates, mastermind groups, and even that one uncle who thinks Bitcoin is a personality. 🧂
The big idea? Use the Alignment Model to figure out where you’re in sync—and where you’re rowing in opposite directions.
Here’s how to use it:
- Sit down with your partner, family, or team.
- Ask each person:
- “What’s your goal when it comes to money?”
- “What do you believe about finances?”
- “What does financial success look like to you?”
- Compare answers. Look for overlaps. Spot the friction points.
- Don’t judge—just observe. This is about understanding, not winning.
💡 Alignment isn’t about being the same. It’s about knowing where you’re different—and learning how to move forward together anyway.
You might be surprised what comes up. You might even laugh. But most importantly, you’ll start building the kind of connection that makes financial teamwork possible.
🤖 Using AI to Find Alignment (Your Secret Superpower)
Sometimes it’s hard to see where you and your partner (or family, or team) are misaligned—especially when emotions, assumptions, and years of unspoken beliefs are in the mix. That’s where AI (hi! 👋) can help.
🧭 Step 1: Reflect Individually
Each person answers these 7 Alignment Levels:
- Vision – What kind of life do you want to build?
- Identity – Who are you becoming?
- Values – What matters most to you?
- Beliefs – What do you believe about money?
- Skills – What are you good at (or not)?
- Behaviours – What do you actually do with money?
- Environment – What’s around you that helps or hinders?
Write your answers down. Be honest. Be curious.
🧠 Step 2: Ask AI to Help You Spot the Gaps
Once you’ve both written your answers, pop them into a prompt like this:
“Here are my and my partner’s answers to the 7 alignment levels. Can you help us spot where we’re misaligned and suggest fun, creative ways to come together?”
AI can:
- Highlight where your visions or values don’t match
- Spot belief clashes (e.g. “I don’t deserve wealth” vs. “We’re going to be millionaires!”)
- Suggest ways to bridge the gap—like shared experiences, new habits, or even a cheeky finance date night 🍷
🎯 Why This Works
AI isn’t here to replace your conversations—it’s here to enhance them. It gives you a neutral lens, fresh ideas, and a way to see things you might miss when you’re too close to the issue.
💡 Think of it like a relationship coach who never gets tired, never judges, and always has time for you.
🤷♀️ Where Most People Start (and Why It Doesn’t Work)
Let’s be honest—most people start in the wrong place.
They jump straight to behaviour:
“You need to budget.”
“You need to stop spending so much at Greggs.”
“You need to cancel that subscription to [insert thing they love here].”
Sound familiar?
Here’s the problem: trying to control someone’s behaviour (or your own) without first understanding the deeper stuff is a recipe for disaster. You’ll hit resistance, create tension, and probably end up arguing about sausage rolls instead of solving anything. 🥐💥
💡 If there’s no shared vision, no alignment on values, no understanding of beliefs—then behaviour change won’t stick. And worse, it can damage your relationship.
So where should you start?
Start with you. Reflect on your own alignment levels:
- What’s your vision?
- What do you believe about money?
- What matters most to you?
Then, gently start exploring those same questions with the people around you. Build understanding first. The spreadsheets can wait.
Because when you’re aligned at the top (vision, identity, values), the behaviours at the bottom start to take care of themselves.
😀 People Support What They Co-Create
Here’s the deal: if you march into the living room and declare,
“I’ve decided we’re going for Financial Independence, so no more Legos, pub nights, or oat milk lattes for you!”
…you’re going to hit a wall. 🧱
People don’t like being told what to do—especially when it means giving up things they enjoy for a dream they didn’t help shape.
💡 If you try to force your goals onto someone else, they’ll resist. But if you build the goal together, they’ll own it.
So take a breath. Pause the spreadsheet. And start with curiosity:
- What do they want?
- What does their dream life look like?
- What would financial freedom mean to them?
You can absolutely pitch your ideas (enthusiasm is contagious!), but the magic happens when you co-create a shared vision. When it’s your plan, they might nod politely. When it’s our plan, they’ll show up with energy.
Don’t present a finished vision and expect them to hop on board. Invite them to help draw the map. 🗺️
💬 How to Communicate With Your Loved Ones About Money
Here’s a quick reminder of the 10 Rebel principles for talking about money without starting World War III:
🧭 Internal / External Alignment
Use the alignment model to spot where you’re in sync—and where you’re not. That’s where the friction lives.
🧠 Understand First
Stop telling. Start asking. People open up when they feel heard, not when they’re being lectured.
💌 Find Forgiveness
If mistakes have been made (and they have), don’t stew in silence. Forgive, learn, and move forward—or at least be honest that you’re not there yet.
🔁 This is just a reminder! For the full breakdown of all 10 principles, head over to How to Talk to Your Partner About Money 💬
💔 Why Forgiveness Feels So Hard (and How to Break the Loop)
Katie and I have learned something powerful over the years:
People don’t struggle to forgive because they’re mean or cold.
They struggle because they’re scared it will happen again.
Imagine this: your partner racks up debt. You find out. You pay it off. But deep down, you can’t let it go. Why?
Because your brain is screaming, “What if they do it again?”
That fear traps us in a loop. Trust breaks. Resentment builds. And the relationship suffers—not because of the mistake, but because we never felt safe enough to move on.
So how do you break the loop?
🔁 The Way Out: Learn and Change
The key is learning and change.
Talk about what happened. Ask:
- What did we learn from this?
- What would we do differently next time?
- How can we rebuild trust together?
This isn’t just about your partner—it’s about you too. If you’ve made mistakes:
- Own them.
- Understand them.
- Learn from them.
Because here’s the truth:
If you don’t learn the lesson, life will keep handing you the same test—until you do. 🧠💥
Forgiveness isn’t forgetting. It’s saying, “I see what happened. I see how we’ve grown. And I believe we can do better together.”
That’s how you heal. That’s how you move forward.
💬 Quickfire Guide: Talking About Money
🧭 1. Internal / External Alignment
Use the alignment model to spot where you’re in sync—and where you’re not. That’s where the friction lives.
🧠 2. Seek to Understand
Stop telling. Start asking. People open up when they feel heard, not when they’re being lectured.
💌 3. Find Forgiveness
If mistakes have been made (and they have), don’t stew in silence. Forgive, learn, and change—or at least be honest that you’re not there yet.
🌅 4. Start with the Vision
No one gets excited about budgeting. Start with the dream life you’re building together. Help them uncover their vision first.
📊 5. Gently Introduce the Numbers
Once the vision’s clear, ask: “Can we look at the numbers to make this happen?”
💬 6. Be Vulnerable
Go first. Share your fears, your story, your letter to money. It opens the door.
🕰️ 7. You Have Time
This isn’t a one-chat fix. Be patient. Keep showing up.
🗣️ 8. Ask Directly
No hints. No guilt trips. Just kind, clear, direct asks for what you need.
🎉 9. Make It Fun
Wine, curry, spreadsheets, and laughter. Finance can be joyful—if you let it.
💖 10. Love Conquers All
True self-care is building a life you don’t need to escape from—with the people you love.
🔁 Want the full breakdown? Head to How to Talk to Your Partner About Money for all 10 principles in glorious detail.
🧑⚖️ Money Scales: Understand Before You Judge
Ever had a money argument that made no sense… until you realised you were just wired differently?
That’s what these scales are all about.
They’re not labels. They’re lenses. Tools to help you understand how you—and the people around you—naturally operate when it comes to money.
💡 You are not your default. You are not your past. You are not your parents’ money story. You get to choose.
These scales will help you spot where you align, where you clash, and how to flex your style to work better together. Let’s dive in.
🧑⚖️ Money Scales: Understand the Differences, Unlock the Magic
Everything you want in life is done with and through other people. So if you want to make progress with money (and life), one of the most powerful things you can do is understand the people around you—your partner, your family, your friends.
That’s where the Money Scales come in.
These four scales help you spot the invisible patterns that shape how we all think, feel, and act around money. They’re not boxes to put people in—they’re tools to help you communicate better, reduce friction, and work together more effectively.
💸 Spender vs. Saver
- Spenders love the now. They value experiences, generosity, and living in the moment.
- Savers love security. They plan ahead, build buffers, and think long-term.
Why it matters: If you’re a saver and your partner’s a spender, you’re not doomed—you just need to understand each other’s motivations and find balance.
🕰️ Past / Present / Future Focused
- Past-focused people reflect on what’s happened and often carry emotional weight from it.
- Present-focused folks live in the now and value spontaneity.
- Future-focused thinkers are planners, dreamers, and long-term strategists.
Why it matters: If you’re planning for retirement and they’re planning for Friday night, you’ll clash—unless you learn to meet each other at different times!
🥕 Towards vs. Away From Motivated
- Towards-motivated people chase goals, dreams, and possibilities.
- Away-from-motivated people avoid problems, pain, and risk.
Why it matters: One of you might be saying “Let’s build a dream life!” while the other is thinking “Let’s not end up broke.” Both are valid. Both need to be heard.
🧠 Big Picture vs. Detail-Oriented
- Big picture thinkers love vision, strategy, and the “why.”
- Detail people love the “how,” the numbers, the steps.
Why it matters: If one of you is dreaming about early retirement and the other is stuck on the grocery budget, you’re probably talking past each other.
🧠 The Big Secret: You Are Not One Thing
Here’s the real magic:
You are not just a spender. Or a saver. Or a big picture person.
You are flexible. You are capable. You can adapt.
Your success in life isn’t about being one thing—it’s about knowing when to be what.
There are moments when it’s powerful to be a spender (hello, spontaneous adventure!).
There are times when being a detail nerd saves your financial future.
The key is learning to flex your style to suit the situation—and the people you’re with.
So here’s your homework:
- Team up with someone.
- Mark where you are on each scale.
- Compare. Discuss. Laugh. Learn.
- And most importantly—grow together.
🧠 Identity Warning: You Are Not Your Label
Let’s get one thing straight:
Saying “I’m just a spender” is not a get-out-of-jail-free card. 🛑
These money scales aren’t labels. They’re lenses—ways to understand your default behaviours so you can grow beyond them.
We all have habits. Maybe you zoom in on the details. Maybe you live in the big picture. Maybe you hoard every penny. Maybe you treat payday like a party. 🎉
None of these are good or bad. They’re just patterns. And patterns can be changed.
💡 Your success in life is directly linked to how flexible you can be.
Sometimes you need to plan for the future. Other times, you need to be present and enjoy the now. Sometimes you need to dream big. Other times, you need to open the spreadsheet and face the numbers.
Flexibility is freedom.
💬 Katie & Alan’s Story
When we first started working on our finances, we were at opposite ends of some of these scales. Alan was all about the big picture, the dream and the future. Katie? She was in the detail, loved looking at the numbers, building the spreadsheets and didn’t want to spend anything at all!
We clashed. A lot.
But once we realised these were just defaults, not identities, everything changed. We stopped trying to “fix” each other and started learning how to flex. Alan came down into the detail and now I LOVE a good spreadsheet withKatie. Katie came up to the big vision and got excited with me about Financial Independence and Freedom!
That’s the goal.
And as you go through this, watch out for the stories that pop up:
- “I’m just not good with money.”
- “I hate spreadsheets.”
- “I’ve always been like this.”
These aren’t facts. They’re just stories you’ve inherited or repeated so many times you started to believe them. Don’t let labels, stories and patterns control your life. YOU ARE IN CHARGE!
Don’t let old stories—or your family’s stories—trap you.
You get to rewrite the script. You get to design the life you want.
🧭 Alignment Levels: Where the Real Work Happens
This concept comes straight from Week 3 of the course—so if you need a refresher, go back and rewatch that session. It’s foundational to everything we’re doing here in Week 5.
Most people try to solve money problems at the behaviour level:
“You’re spending too much.”
“You’re not tracking properly.”
But the real issue is often much deeper—like identity or beliefs.
The Alignment Levels give us a powerful tool to understand ourselves and the people around us. They help us figure out where the friction really is—and how to fix it.
🔍 The 7 Alignment Levels
- Mission / Vision – Where are you heading? What’s the dream life you’re building?
- Identity – Who do you believe you are? (“I’m not good with money” is a big one.)
- Values / Beliefs – What matters to you? What do you believe about money, wealth, success?
- Capabilities – What skills do you have (or need)? Budgeting, investing, communicating?
- Behaviours – What are your daily habits? Are they helping or hurting?
- Environment – Where are you having these conversations? Who are you surrounded by?
🛠️ Practical Ways to Build Alignment (That Actually Work)
So you’ve learned about alignment—now what? Here are some powerful, practical ways to start building it with your partner, family, or team:
🎯 1. Create a Shared Vision (Donegan Style)
Each person creates a PowerPoint answering a question like:
“What do I want life to look like in retirement?”
Then share, discuss, and dream together. It’s fun, revealing, and surprisingly powerful.
🧑⚖️ 2. Work Through the Money Scales
Go through the scales (spender vs. saver, big picture vs. detail, etc.) and compare where you each land. Understanding each other’s defaults is the first step to building trust and working as a team.
💬 3. Ask Questions, Not Instructions
Start money conversations with curiosity, not commands. Your mission is to understand the other person first.
“What did your parents teach you about money?”
“What does financial freedom mean to you?”
🤖 4. Use AI to Spot Misalignment
Once you’ve both answered the 7 alignment levels (Vision, Identity, Values, etc.), pop them into AI (like me!) and ask:
“Where are we misaligned, and how can we come together in a fun way?”
AI can help you see patterns, suggest conversation starters, and even help you co-create a shared vision.
😲 5. Three Surprising Ways to Find Alignment
- 🎥 Watch a Money Documentary Together
Use it as a springboard for conversation. Ask, “What did you think?” and see where it leads. - 🎭 Swap Roles for a Day
Let the spender try budgeting. Let the saver plan a fun splurge. It builds empathy fast. - 📜 Write a Letter to Money—Then Share It
This one’s from Week 3. It’s raw, revealing, and a brilliant way to understand each other’s money mindset.
📝 Bonus: Try the Beliefs Survey Together
Do the Money Belief Survey independently, then compare answers. It’s a great way to uncover hidden beliefs and start meaningful conversations.
And if you want a real-life example of how this can work, check out this Mad Fientist interview with Jill and Brandon. They were total opposites—and they made it work.
Let alignment be your superpower. 💥
🗾 2. Staying on Track
So you’ve had the big conversations, uncovered your vision, and maybe even survived your first finance chat without anyone storming off. 🎉 Now what?
This section is all about keeping the momentum going. Because building a life of financial freedom isn’t a one-time decision—it’s a habit.
We’ll show you how to run monthly finance meetings that are simple, effective, and maybe even fun (yes, really). Let’s make sure you stay aligned, stay motivated, and stay on track—together.
🏔️ Staying on Track (Especially When You Hit the Valley of Despair)
In the second part of the week, we shared six powerful ways to stay on track—especially when you find yourself in that all-too-familiar dip: the Valley of Despair.
Because here’s the truth:
After the course ends, motivation will dip. Life will get busy. The spreadsheets will gather dust. And you’ll wonder, “Was I ever really doing this?”
That’s not failure. That’s normal.
The key isn’t to avoid the dip—it’s to build systems that carry you through it. Systems that keep you moving forward even when motivation disappears. Systems that let you live your life while the magic of compounding quietly does its thing in the background.
This isn’t about hustle. It’s about consistency.
It’s about setting up habits, routines, and support that make progress inevitable—even when you’re not feeling it.
So when the buzz wears off, don’t panic. Don’t quit.
Just remember: you’re not stuck—you’re just in the middle.
🔁 Six Ways to Stay on Track (Even When Motivation Disappears)
Let’s be honest—motivation fades. Life gets busy. The spreadsheets get dusty. But that doesn’t mean you stop. It means you build systems that keep you moving even when you don’t feel like it.
Here’s how:
⚙️ 1. Automate Everything You Can
Don’t rely on willpower—it’s flaky. Set up systems that run without you:
- Credit cards: Set up a direct debit to pay the full balance every month. No thinking required.
- Investments: Automate monthly contributions to your SIPP, ISA, or pension. Set it and forget it.
- Bills & savings: Use standing orders to move money into savings or sinking funds the day you get paid.
💡 Automation is your financial autopilot. It protects you from your future tired, distracted, or overwhelmed self.
🌟 2. Reconnect With Your Why
When motivation dips (and it will), go back to your why.
- Are you doing this for your kids?
- For freedom?
- To never worry about money again?
Print your vision. Stick it on the fridge. Make it your phone wallpaper. Every single monthly finance meeting start with Why!
This is your dream. It’s not our job to inspire you—it’s yours.
Need help defining your vision? Use our Life Areas Vision Guide to get clear on what you’re working toward.
📅 3. Run Monthly Finance Meetings
This is the Donegan secret sauce. Once a month, sit down and:
- Review your net worth
- Track your spending
- Work out your gap – what is your freedom rate
- Adjust your plan and take action towards improving things
Make it fun—add pancakes, wine, or a walk in the park.
Want to know how to run one? Here’s the full guide
🎧 4. Keep Learning (But Make It Fun)
There’s always more to learn—but it doesn’t have to be boring.
- Listen to podcasts like ChooseFI, Mad Fientist, or Ruth the Happy Saver.
- Read books like The Simple Path to Wealth or Quit Like a Millionaire.
- Follow blogs or YouTube channels that make you feel fired up, not overwhelmed.
Learning keeps your brain engaged and your momentum alive.
🤝 5. Find Other Rebels
You don’t have to do this alone.
Two Rebels from a past course still meet every Monday night to talk money. They’ve made it a ritual—and it’s changed their lives.
- Use the Facebook group or RFS Communities page to find your people.
- Join the Rebel Finance School New Zealand Facebook Group
- Set up a monthly Zoom call with a few Rebels.
- Start a finance mastermind. Share wins. Ask questions. Keep each other going.
Accountability + community = unstoppable progress.
🎉 6. Live Your Life
One of our favourite moments from a past course:
A participant looked at us and said, “I’ve set up all the direct debits and investments… what do I do now?”
Katie and I looked at each other and said in unison:
“LIVE YOUR LIFE!”
That’s the whole point of this.
Money is not the goal. It’s the tool.
So once the systems are in place, go live.
Spend time with the people you love. Cook. Travel. Create. Dance. Nap.
Do whatever brings you joy.
Because that’s what financial freedom is really about. 💛
🤝 Find Your Finance Buddy
One of the best ways to stay on track? Don’t do it alone.
Choose someone—a partner, friend, fellow Rebel—to do your monthly finance meetings with. Schedule it in. Make it a ritual. And most importantly… make it fun.
Katie and I love doing ours over a slow, delicious breakfast. 🥞☕
You might prefer wine and spreadsheets. Or a walk-and-talk. Or a curry night with a calculator on the side.
💡 How might you make it fun and exciting for everyone involved?
Need a buddy? Post in the Facebook group and find your Rebel Finance School accountability partner. You’re not the only one looking for someone to share the journey with.
Here’s the truth:
People will do more for others than they will for themselves.
So take advantage of that.
- Commit to helping someone else.
- Commit to showing up for them.
- And in doing so, you’ll show up for yourself too.
Accountability + community = unstoppable progress. Let’s go. 💪
🎉 Money Talks – Week 5 Quiz
1. What’s one of the most important foundations for communicating about money?
2. Which of these helps avoid resistance when talking to your partner or family about money?
3. Why is it helpful to know your money personality and preferences (like saver vs spender)?
4. Which scale is used to understand how you and others operate around money?
5. Which of the following are recommended ways to stay on track after the course? (Select all that apply)
6. Which of these are part of the Alignment Model? (Select all that apply)
🏆 Certificate of Achievement
You’ve mastered Week 5: Money Talks!
Financial Communicator
Keep talking, keep listening, and keep designing your dream life! 💬❤️
✍️ Week 5 Homework – Let’s Make It Happen!
To get the most out of this course, you’ve got to take action. Learning is great—but doing is where the magic happens. And yes, homework can be fun (especially when it involves wine, vision boards, or spreadsheets with snacks).
Here’s your mission for Week 5:
📅 1. Set Up Your Monthly Finance Meeting
- Who are you doing it with? (Partner, friend, fellow Rebel?)
- Where will you do it? (Café, kitchen table, Zoom?)
- When is your first one? (Put it in the calendar!)
- Bonus: Set up a recurring invite so it becomes a ritual, not a one-off.
🌅 2. Have a Conversation About the Future
- Talk to your partner, family, or a friend about your vision.
- Ask them what they want life to look like.
- Use the Life Areas Vision Guide to help spark ideas.
🧑⚖️ 3. Do the Four Scales Exercise
- Saver vs. Spender
- Future vs. Present Focused
- Towards vs. Away From Motivated
- Big Picture vs. Detail-Oriented
Mark where you are on each scale. Then guess where your partner/friend/family member is. Compare and discuss. You’ll be amazed what you learn.
🆘 4. Ask for Help
- Stuck? Confused? Feeling a bit wobbly?
- Post in the Facebook group. Ask a question. Share your challenge.
- Don’t let confusion be the reason you stop. We’re here to support you.
You’ve got this. Take the next step. And remember—progress beats perfection every time. 💪
🎥 Unlocking Stronger Relationships Through Money Conversations
Watch Now → YouTube Video
💬 Ever feel like talking about money with your partner is like defusing a bomb with a blindfold on? This video is your toolkit for turning tension into teamwork.
In this powerful session, Aaron Thomas from Prenups Law Firm joins Alan & Katie to break down:
- Why money convos go sideways (and how to fix it)
- How to build trust, not tension
- Real-life stories, laughs, and “aha!” moments
Whether you’re in a relationship or just want to understand people better, this is essential viewing for anyone who wants to build stronger, more aligned connections—without the drama. 🎭💸
👉 Hit play and start transforming your money chats into connection, clarity, and maybe even a little fun.
💰 Katie’s Millionaire Tool (Yes, Really!)
Want to feel like a millionaire? You probably already are… somewhere in the world!
Try out Katie’s Millionaire Tool and see how many countries you’re a millionaire in based on your current net worth.
All you have to do is:
- Enter your net worth 💷
- Hit go 🚀
- Bask in the glory of being a millionaire in Colombian Pesos (just £200 gets you there!)
We haven’t conquered the whole world yet—there are still countries where we’re not millionaires. But maybe you will be the first Rebel to complete the set?
Let us know how many you’ve unlocked! 🏆
❓ Got Questions? We’ve Got Answers!
If you’ve got a question—big or small, practical or philosophical—we’d love to hear it!
👉 Just pop it into this form: Submit Your Question Here
Then join us live on Thursday for the Q&A session where we’ll answer your questions, share stories, and chat through anything you’re stuck on.
It’s relaxed, fun, and a great way to stay connected with the Rebel community. See you there! 💬✨
Frequently Asked Questions
Week 5’s case studies show this depends on your goals. Ask yourselves: “Are we protecting our future, or just avoiding hard conversations?” Many couples in the course found a hybrid approach works best – keeping joint accounts for bills while allowing personal “no-guilt” spending money. One couple even set up what they called “Financial Firewalls” (a Week 5 strategy) where they’d automatically transfer a set amount to separate accounts each month. The materials walk you through setting this up without creating emotional distance.
In Week 5, we emphasize starting from curiosity, not confrontation. Try: “I noticed the credit card balance seems higher than usual. Can we look at this together? I want to understand what’s going on so we can tackle it as a team.” The key is creating a safe space – we’ve seen in the course how partners often hide debt out of shame, not deceit. Use Week 5’s “Money Conversation Scripts” to practice non-judgmental questions like “What’s the hardest part about this for you?” instead of “How could you?!”
Week 5 teaches that surface-level conflict (spending vs. saving) often comes from deeper levels – identity or beliefs. You might see yourself as a “saver,” they might see themselves as a “spender.” Use the levels-of-alignment tool: uncover why each value matters. Once you understand the deeper motivations, you can co-create a strategy that respects both identities – like allocating a fun fund while growing investments.
This is a common concern. It’s rooted in wounds from past debt cycles. Strategies might include:
- Create a simple debt-alert plan: if debt appears, we pause spending and regroup.
- Focus on transparency and non-blame.
- Build a safety net/emergency fund to buffer future errors.
Pay attention to Week 5’s Money Talks for relapse-handling frameworks.
In a nutshell, week 5 will suggest starting with curiosity and connection:
1. Ask about early money experiences: “What did your parents teach you about money?”
2. Explore current feelings: “How do you feel about our financial future?”
3. Listen actively—don’t criticize or fix.
4. Visualise together: “What do we want money to give us?”
5. Establish trust through regular, compassionate follow-ups.
You will learn a lot more about this in the Week 5 Money Talks session.
Alan & Katie NEVER compare pineapples! Focus on your own unique journey. You also have your own unique goals. Keep the lens on your shared values and vision, not your neighbour’s Instagram posts or lifestyle. It’s a constant theme of the course but watch the Week 5 Money Talks session and the live Q&A for more detail.
You’re not alone as money is one of the main reasons couples split. Week 5 encourages creating a safe, structured space—like a weekly “money date”—so it’s not emotionally charged. For instance, use open-ended questions (“How do you feel about where we’re heading?”) and lead with empathy, not criticism. That reduces fear and builds trust. The Week 5 Money Talks session will add more detail.
Week 5 emphasises aligning values first and tactics second. Instead of pushing budgeting or debt repayment, begin with discussions around shared goals: “What do we want our future to look like?” Once values are clear, the tactics—budget, debt plan—become tools toward those goals. Teamwork is pivotal. Watch the Week 5 Money Talks session and the live Q&A for more detail.
The biggest mistake is not talking about money. Week 5 stresses that money is too often treated as a taboo so they need to know why you care. Start by exploring underlying beliefs like “What did your parents teach you about money?” or “What financial future do you want?” This uncovers their fears or stress. Without this understanding, conflict will continue. You will learn a lot more in the Week 5 Money Talks session and the live Q&A. There is no substitute for participating directly!
I’ve been watching RFS2025 the last couple days, it’s awesome – thank you so much for doing this. I was just starting W5 but the videos are gone from Youtube. Am I too late? Do I have to attend the 2026 course now? I’d love to maintain my current momentum (and attend the 2026 course!)
Hey Terry, we take the course down every year to refresh it all and update the investing weeks, tax stuff and improve it. That is the process we are in now so yes I am sorry. The new course will be available from the 1st of June when we have it ready for you. Thanks for understanding. Alan
Unable to access the week 5 video on YouTube. It says its now private
Hey Greta, we just took them down to refresh them for the next course starting June the 1st. You will get all new videos, developed and improved from last year… Alan